I’m Janet and I’ve recently moved to beautiful Scarborough! I hold a Bachelor of Arts with Honours in Psychology from Sydney University, a Graduate Diploma in Counselling from the Australian College of Applied Psychology and I am registered with PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia; registration number 23550).
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I’m Janet and I’ve recently moved to beautiful Scarborough! I hold a Bachelor of Arts with Honours in Psychology from Sydney University, a Graduate Diploma in Counselling from the Australian College of Applied Psychology and I am registered with PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia; registration number 23550).
Alongside my professional qualifications I have decades of experience working with women both individually and as a group leader. I am married, have raised five children, moved 14 times including both interstate and overseas and supported my husband through six military deployments. I am well acquainted with the stressors of grief and loss and trauma, of cultural transitions and of parenting.
I understand the exhaustion of burnout and of losing “who you are” while trying to be who others need you to be.
I am passionate about supporting people to discover their uniqueness and be all that they were created to be.
If I let down my guard
The tears might come
If the tears come, they might not end
What will gush out is painful
What if I can’t control it?
What if it doesn’t stop?
Like a powerful waterfall that keeps pouring forth water
Like a fire hose whose spray doesn’t dwindle
Like a volcano erupting and spewing forth its lava
What is within is sacred and
If I let down my guard
The tears might come
If the tears come, they might not end
What will gush out is painful
What if I can’t control it?
What if it doesn’t stop?
Like a powerful waterfall that keeps pouring forth water
Like a fire hose whose spray doesn’t dwindle
Like a volcano erupting and spewing forth its lava
What is within is sacred and not for all
And I’m so tired, so very tired
Tired of trying to hold it all together
Tired of containing that which lies within
Tired of running on near empty
Tired of being who everyone else needs me to be
And not even knowing who I am
I feel like a wilted flower
A discarded ornament
A wounded lioness trying to protect her pride
A car running on one cylinder
I feel alone
Who am I to complain?
Others are in, and have been through, far more difficult situations than me
I’m sure somehow this is entirely my fault
If I was just a different personality
If I just ‘got over it’
If I just looked at things more positively
I should be able to move on
I’m sure I would be judged, misunderstood, compared, if I allowed what is contained to rise to the surface
I’m not sure if I can even put words to what surges within
I’m not sure if I want to put words to it
I don’t need someone to ‘fix’ me or to pretend to have the answers
I want someone to listen
To step into my world and walk alongside me
What is within is sacred and not for all
I wonder what it might be like to allow someone in
To be real, loved, not judged
To release some of that hidden force into still and quiet waters
To be gentle with myself
To be loved and accepted
I wrote this poem after visiting The Australian War Memorial with my husband. While we were there he signed a wall that has been made available for Afghanistan Veterans. I was moved to tears as I saw all those names of soldiers who had signed the wall and reflected on the many, many families who have been affected by war. I honour you.
Yesterday, I saw all those names.
From deep within the tears began to flow
No longer could I hold them back
The sleepless nights
The sharp pain in my heart
As my children sobbed in their beds
The brave face
Alone
Exhausted
But somehow looking strong
One foot in one world
The other foot in another
War
Nightmares
Hyper vigilance
Guilt
Rockets, blasts, injury
Death
Dance, drama, netball, singing
Groceries, meals, school,
Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas,
Concerts, awards nights, formal,
Shopping, holidays, housework,
Bin nights, home repairs, car repairs,
Life appears to continue as “normal” in spite of war
In a far away land,
Darkness, death, despair
Another country, another people
That will be intricately woven
Into us…a military family
We live in paradox
It is not one or the other
It is both war and everyday life
As a military family we carry both
War comes home and dwells with us
There are more tears to come
A wall to sign
An acknowledgement
So many names of those who’ve served
So many women holding war and family.